I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
