They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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