She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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