its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
