apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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