So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
