I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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