Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Who died my cat blue again?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
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