i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
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