What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
