I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize