all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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