Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
