It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
