I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
