maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
