Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
