ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Randomize
