So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
