I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
