So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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