but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
