he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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