You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
