This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
My liver just had a heart attack.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
