At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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