im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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