Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
