I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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