i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
