Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
