We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
