I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
