i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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