I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
