I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Randomize
