so that wasnt chicken after all
I cannot find my penis.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
