I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
My liver just had a heart attack.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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