im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
