How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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