This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
