You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
