she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
