I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
