where am i from again
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
