In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
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