so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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