i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
