Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
