brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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