It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Randomize
