k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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