This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Randomize
