I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
