She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
