Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
