Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
