allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
