so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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