That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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