i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
