he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
