Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
