im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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