apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
