I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
