my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
