You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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