if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
