how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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