OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
