He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
