Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
