I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
