What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
...so i touched it.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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