they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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