Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Randomize
