She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
