You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
These tits shall not be calmed
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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