watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
