you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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