But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
