I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me š
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a āfireplaceā station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
